Having a down day today

[linaewen]

I thought I was sick yesterday, as I was feeling pretty limp all day -- even a two hour nap barely took the edge off it. But I think it was not really being sick, it was actually stress over a number of things I hadn't realized were weighing on me, plus being concerned for boriel, feeling discouraged at the changes that are taking place in Pakistan, and lack of sleep catching up with me.

Hubby's wrapping things up over in Pakistan, he'll be back in 10 days. I miss him a lot, can't seem to concentrate on anything except checking email to see if he's written and I'm not getting things done I need to here, because I can't seem to apply myself. I get bugged by him interrupting me when he's here -- now I have no interruptions and it's tons worse!

He just let me know that a Bible lesson ministry I was in charge of over in Pakistan will have to be given over to another group, who won't care about it as much as I and my coworkers did. We just don't have the personnel there to deal with it at this time. Steps were taken some years ago for this to happen; in case of no personnel this project would go to a national ministry who can run it alongside their own. But it's hard to see it go. We have quite a history with this project, and the ones who got it going over there -- as well as the US based group that produces the lessons in English -- will not be happy. They'll understand, but they won't be happy. And I'm the one who will have to tell them. But it will be good for this ministry to be in the hands of the nationals, and it will be good to have one less thing to worry about -- that's what my Hubby is good at, making the big hard decisions that have to be made (when I would just limp along and wear myself out because I don't want to give up on anything), then I just have to go along with it then get over it. It will be a relief, though right now it's weighing on me.

I'm still trying to decide on the stuff I want Hubby to bring back.  It's almost like having to choose which child you love better in some ways!  ;-)  And I have to ask myself, is it worth hauling stuff back here where we have no room to store it?  I think it is, because I'm tired of not having my things with me.  But Hubby's running out of time and room to pack.  At least there is the option of another trip to Pakistan in the future, so that anything he can't bring now can continue to be stored until later.  But I was hoping to have it dealt with so I wouldn't have this half-here, half-there sort of feeling.  :-/

And one more thing -- I can't write a Boromir chapter to save my life!  I just can't concentrate on it, even though I have all the facts and exactly what I want to write about right here before me.  Frustrating, ugh!  It's been so long since I wrote anything, everyone must have forgotten about him, including me.

All this hassle and discouragement is just temporary, I know, and I'm doing what I can to get over it -- praying, looking on the bright side, sharing my burden and trying to baby myself.  I just wish my physical well-being wasn't so in tune to my mood!  :-D

Thanks for listening, my dears!

Comments

[captinskywalker.livejournal.com]

((((((dear Lin)))))) I know how it feels to be in that spot, especially about the writing. A week or so like that hit me just a short time ago--I knew what I had to write, had all the notes laid out in front of me, but I simply couldn't write to save my life. I think we writers (hehe...doesn't that sound important-ish!) all go through down-times like that more or less regularly. No fun, but maybe it's our mind saying "hey hey, give me a little break to recharge!" As it was, rest, relaxation and the inspiration of Norwegian mountains got me going again.

I wish I could send you Norwegian mountains! In the meantime, though, I'll send you prayers and a great big ((((((((((((hug)))))))))))

[lin4gondor.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the prayers and hugs -- they are most appreciated. Though I don't wish a lack of inspiration on anyone, it's nice to know I'm not alone in my frustration.

[the-tinidril.livejournal.com]

(((((((Lin))))))) If you are able, get dressed and take a walk, close your eyes and breathe deeply, think of things that make you happy. Here's what makes me happy (posted in lotrfanmb yesterday):

Happiness returns
Hopping on two feet
Singing at the dawn
Flying on soft breezes

Happiness returns
Scented with blossoms
Painted pale hues
Velveted as pussywillow

Happiness returns
Darkness is vanquished
Frozen heart melted
Winter's reign ended

Joy shakes off its slumber.

Do not let go of your hope, dear Lin.

[lin4gondor.livejournal.com]

Thanks, dear! I'll do just that. It really is a gorgeous day out there, I just noticed. Did you write this? It's perfect for me today! Even the consistently hopeful can be afflicted with a frozen heart at times, can't we?

((((((You))))))

[the-tinidril.livejournal.com]

Yes, I wrote it for one of Prim's poetry games... =)

Even the most diligent can sometimes let her sheild down to allow a dart in. Keep the Faith (up)!

[lothithil.livejournal.com]

With everything you have on your mind, I'd be surprised (and jealous) if you could manage to also write!

If you're feeling poorly, take a short time to do some Boromir day-dreaming. I am sure he'll visit you and juice your muse!

... hmm... that didn't sound quite right! *blush*

((((Lin)))

[lin4gondor.livejournal.com]

Hee! Yes, I haven't been letting him get a word in edgewise these days, it really is time for some day-dreaming -- then writing!

[estellye.livejournal.com]

Sometimes it's perfectly ok to stare glassy eyed at the walls (or the TV) for a couple of days you know. You strike me as the sort of person who likes to see checkmarks on your to-do list at the end of the day, but if you give yourself permission to rest (put it on your list!) then it's easier to handle the stressful times. After you retreat for awhile you'll come back more productive and Boromir will be ready to tell you what's next. My thoughts are with you! (((Lin)))

[lin4gondor.livejournal.com]

Sometimes the unchecked off things on my list keep me from doing anything productive -- it's a weird vicious circle. It always seems strange to chuck it all and rest amidst the chaos, but it really does work, doesn't it? Thanks, love!

[samarra.livejournal.com]

*just hugs you so tightly*

I wish I had some advice. You always know what to say to make me feel better.

Maybe you need to try a conversation with Boromir instead of another chapter for now? I'm sure he could try and cheer you up.

*more tight hugs*

[lin4gondor.livejournal.com]

(((((You)))))

I've been thinking about a Boromir conversation, actually. We'll see what comes to mind when I pay attention to Boromir today. I'm only doing the bare minimum of RW work today, and devoting the rest of the day to myself and to listening to the Muse.

[my-cocoon.livejournal.com]

this is where my head has been too. pinch/slug

hard not to get down, but like you told me...not too long ok?

[lin4gondor.livejournal.com]

like you told me...not too long ok?

Got it. It's a new day and a new outlook today. Thanks for the pinch and the slug. I needed it. ;-)

(((((Tom)))))

Hello

[faramirgirl.livejournal.com]

((((lin))))) I do hope that you get happier. Sorry that you are so down, sending love and good thoughts to you.

Re: Hello

[lin4gondor.livejournal.com]

Thank you, my dear! You are having a hard time, too, these days -- I'm so sorry! All is well with me now, but I'm praying for you and sending you my love and good thoughts.

[gondoriangirl.livejournal.com]

Prayers are continuing until he is safe back here at home.

[lin4gondor.livejournal.com]

Thank you, (((((dear friend)))))! It's very settling to know that folks are praying for my sweetie. I had lots of emails from him today, so I almost feel like he was here with me.

[solodancer.livejournal.com]

I think your hubby is very wise.

((((you))))

[lin4gondor.livejournal.com]

Yes, he is very wise. It will be good to have nothing pending over there except some stored stuff. We might go back there for a few months in a couple of years, and it will be nice to go back to just normal ministry intead of a bunch of loose ends. I can tell he's feeling good about all the decisions that are being made, because he's quite perky (and sarcastic) in his emails. :-D