The Common Cold -- a verse for a sniffly Friday

[linaewen]

I thought this little poem rather appropriate for the day, since what I thought to be simply allergy troubles has turned into something more than that -- I have a cold!  And what's worse, it's a summer cold, and those are always icky.  So I am taking it easy today -- not much else I can do, actually -- and filling myself up with all my favorite home remedies.

It's not as easy as one might think to find a poem about colds, but I did find one, and it made me laugh -- which is part of cold therapy, you know.  ;-)  While I am not quite as miserable as this poor fellow, I can definitely relate to his tale of woe.  Bet you all have thought similar thoughts after visiting the doc, hoping for a cure for your malady -- or a least a bit of sympathy!

Common Cold

by Ogden Nash

Go hang yourself, you old M.D,!
You shall not sneer at me.
Pick up your hat and stethoscope,
Go wash your mouth with laundry soap;
I contemplate a joy exquisite
In not paying you for your visit.
I did not call you to be told
My malady is a common cold.

By pounding brow and swollen lip;
By fever's hot and scaly grip;
By those two red redundant eyes
That weep like woeful April skies;
By racking snuffle, snort, and sniff;
By handkerchief after handkerchief;
This cold you wave away as naught
Is the damnedest cold man ever caught!

Give ear, you scientific fossil!
Here is the genuine Cold Colossal;
The Cold of which researchers dream,
The Perfect Cold, the Cold Supreme.
This honored system humbly holds
The Super-cold to end all colds;
The Cold Crusading for Democracy;
The Führer of the Streptococcracy.

Bacilli swarm within my portals
Such as were ne'er conceived by mortals,
But bred by scientists wise and hoary
In some Olympic laboratory;
Bacteria as large as mice,
With feet of fire and heads of ice
Who never interrupt for slumber
Their stamping elephantine rumba.

A common cold, gadzooks, forsooth!
Ah, yes. And Lincoln was jostled by Booth;
Don Juan was a budding gallant,
And Shakespeare's plays show signs of talent;
The Arctic winter is fairly coolish,
And your diagnosis is fairly foolish.
Oh what a derision history holds
For the man who belittled the Cold of Colds!

Comments

[siradaono.livejournal.com]

So what else did you get in NY NY???
Summer colds are the worst. In the winter we expect them and have to stay inside anyway but in the summer NOT FAIR!

Loved the Nash piece too ;-{>

Get well soon buddy

[lin4gondor.livejournal.com]

It's just the right kind of day for a walk, too -- but I don't have the pep. Think we might walk as far as the car and then drive to the theater to see POTC2, though. That could be therapeutic...

Thanks, buddy!

[lothithil.livejournal.com]

I hate having a cold AND allergies. (((Lin)))

[lin4gondor.livejournal.com]

They are too much alike! :-/ This part of Wisconsin is pretty bad for allergies, unfortunately, but maybe they'll give a me a break long enough to get over the cold, lol!

(((You)))

[estellye.livejournal.com]

"The Führer of the Streptococcracy" ?!? :D

*has fit of giggles...at work...my new work...and is looked at funny* ;)

I guess your immune system was feeling a might put-upon, eh? I am glad you are treating yourself with tender care to speed you along the mending way.

(((((Lin)))))

[lin4gondor.livejournal.com]

Yes, I think I overdid it a bit. It was hard to sleep there, with the heat, so between not sleeping and working hard, I guess I shouldn't be surprised that my body wants more of a vacation, no matter how it gets it!

[captinskywalker.livejournal.com]

*rolls about giggling* This is a masterpiece of description, and made me laugh -- but I'm so sorry to hear you've got a summer cold! Ick, indeed. Here's hoping and praying you get over it soon.

This was one of my favorite parts:
The Arctic winter is fairly coolish,
And your diagnosis is fairly foolish.
LOL!

Do take it easy till you're better, dear Lin... both to recover from the cold and the week(s) of cooking! Goodness knows you deserve it. :-)

[lin4gondor.livejournal.com]

I often get a cold after I have overdone it or pushed too hard. So I guess taking it easy is the order of the day!

It is a giggly poem, isn't it? I love it!

[kimbys-place.livejournal.com]

Kimby's Prescription for a Bad Cold:

1. A bowl of heavily peppered chicken noodle soup;

or

2. A steaming bowl of Campbell's Creamy Tomato;

and

3. A gooey grilled cheese sandwich to accompany whichever you choose.

4. Wash it all down with liberal infusions of Nyquil. You'll either be too sleepy or too drunk to notice your symptoms.

5. Get some Breath-Right Strips and put them on the bridge of your nose. It will help keep those little nostrils open.

6. Lots of rest.

I love that poem by the way- hee! He was a genius, was he not?

[lin4gondor.livejournal.com]

Breath Right strips, yes! I have some of those! And the peppered chicken soup sounds good. Funny, I was thinking of grilled cheese, too....

*puts Nyquil on the list of things for Doug to get this afternoon*

Thanks, my dear!

[shirebound]

*sends hobbits with soft tissues and tea and soup*

[lin4gondor.livejournal.com]

Ah, hobbits! Good medicine, thanks!

[samarra.livejournal.com]

Feel better soon, dearest. Please!

Maybe some Boromir or some Sharpe would ease those sniffles...hubba hubba! ;)

[lin4gondor.livejournal.com]

Lucy in this icon actually looks like she's thinking "hubba hubba" -- amazing! :-D She must be reading a Sharpe story, lol!

*goes off to get reacquainted with Boromir*